you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
