she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
