my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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