just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
