Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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