Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
