I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
