I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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