Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
