Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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