the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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