We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
