he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
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