Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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