I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
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