what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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