so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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