I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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