A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
