Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
