ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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