Pappa wants mamma naked
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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