You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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