Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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