I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
