Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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