I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
