Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
