Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
