i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
