is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
