How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
