Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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