Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
