im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
