dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
