i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
