you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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