dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
