I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Banned from zoo.
Again?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
