I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
