She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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