my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
