Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My liver just had a heart attack.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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