I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
