You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
