just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
