we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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