I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Randomize
