i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
