have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
