He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
