Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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