On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
