so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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